PMS MONSTER
Just got in from running my second three of the day. (31:00). Had a HUGE fight with Aj and just felt like going. Swallowed two gnats but otherwise had a good run. I realized how much I miss running when my body has been awake for a while already, as opposed to first thing in the morning. It just felt easier, like there was no need to warm up. Running at sunset was nice too. No overheating. No squinting. The disadvantages of running at night? Having to postpone or forego other evening plans, and showering twice per day, which is a time-hog.
I dunno that I got the fight out of my system, but I do know that it's hard to breathe while running with a lump in your throat. The fight posed itself as our standard issue, but I am not sure what it was really about. For one, I am PMSing - bad - fricking commercials are making me misty-eyed. For two, Aj just got home from his parents house, who have recently announced their plans for separation, maybe divorce. Methinks Aj lost a little bit of his soul while he was there - understandably - but he's been biting my head off. For three, two of the very few marriages I respected enough to think of as role models are ending, and it is really taking a toll on my psyche. First, my Uncle Kim and Aunt Cheri, who at one time were probably my all time favorite relationship, separated. Then, Aj's parents (The grandparents of my future children) announced their plans to separate. It hurts and is so scary to think if these people can't make it after all those years, what makes me think I am so special? What good is marriage, as an institution, anyway? What purpose does it serve, other than legal protection when it comes to children and assets? This has been weighing on me, bad. I keep telling myself it's bullshit, and not to let it get to me, but it's been on my mind a lot.
Aj is upstairs right now, talking to one of his guy friends about sports, in intimate detail, but he has no patience to discuss things with me tonight. I have pissed him off / insulted him to no end by telling him he was "treating me like shit".
I totally feel like we're circling the drain. I am sure I'll feel better tomorrow.
Just got in from running my second three of the day. (31:00). Had a HUGE fight with Aj and just felt like going. Swallowed two gnats but otherwise had a good run. I realized how much I miss running when my body has been awake for a while already, as opposed to first thing in the morning. It just felt easier, like there was no need to warm up. Running at sunset was nice too. No overheating. No squinting. The disadvantages of running at night? Having to postpone or forego other evening plans, and showering twice per day, which is a time-hog.
I dunno that I got the fight out of my system, but I do know that it's hard to breathe while running with a lump in your throat. The fight posed itself as our standard issue, but I am not sure what it was really about. For one, I am PMSing - bad - fricking commercials are making me misty-eyed. For two, Aj just got home from his parents house, who have recently announced their plans for separation, maybe divorce. Methinks Aj lost a little bit of his soul while he was there - understandably - but he's been biting my head off. For three, two of the very few marriages I respected enough to think of as role models are ending, and it is really taking a toll on my psyche. First, my Uncle Kim and Aunt Cheri, who at one time were probably my all time favorite relationship, separated. Then, Aj's parents (The grandparents of my future children) announced their plans to separate. It hurts and is so scary to think if these people can't make it after all those years, what makes me think I am so special? What good is marriage, as an institution, anyway? What purpose does it serve, other than legal protection when it comes to children and assets? This has been weighing on me, bad. I keep telling myself it's bullshit, and not to let it get to me, but it's been on my mind a lot.
Aj is upstairs right now, talking to one of his guy friends about sports, in intimate detail, but he has no patience to discuss things with me tonight. I have pissed him off / insulted him to no end by telling him he was "treating me like shit".
I totally feel like we're circling the drain. I am sure I'll feel better tomorrow.
posted by Bo | 7/29/2003 11:12:00 PM
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